Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 31 to 44 of 44

Thread: Morning laugh

  1. #31
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    NW Wisconsin
    Posts
    8,860
    Could 'splain a few things around here:

    http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/s...84M?li=BBnb7Kz
    "The Internet. Where fools go to feel important" - Sir Charles Barkley

  2. #32
    Inside(he)r Ren Butler's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Posts
    53,619
    Blog Entries
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by window View Post
    Could 'splain a few things around here:

    http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/s...84M?li=BBnb7Kz
    I like dark humor, but the only example in that link that really made me laugh was:

    Q: What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral?

    A: Nothing.
    For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that be the will of God, than for doing evil. -- 1 Peter

  3. #33
    Insider Frank Capua's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Wearin' my Vans down by the River...
    Posts
    47,242
    That was the only one that made me sad.

    "Ride the Barrel and get pitted... So Pitted."



  4. #34
    Insider Jakester's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Posts
    18,796
    Late, but for today...


    What do you call an Irishman on your back porch?


    Paddy O'Furniture
    new sig pending

  5. #35
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    USS Cornfield, in permanent drydock
    Posts
    3,854
    Quote Originally Posted by Jakester View Post
    Late, but for today...


    What do you call an Irishman on your back porch?


    Paddy O'Furniture



    I hope you're wearing green today.





    Dan
    Tibi Fumus Obsidio Septum Doro

  6. #36
    Subversively normal skypigeon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Location
    Olathe KS
    Posts
    33,119
    Blog Entries
    3
    A favorite of Venerable Fulton J. Sheen.

    A man went to his barber.
    The barber asked, "Doing anything special this year?"
    The man replied "Yes, I'm going to Italy."
    "Italy? What a mess of a place. Everyone's so rude. How are you getting there?"
    "TWA."
    "Always late! Where are you staying?"
    "The Boscolo Exedra in Rome."
    "I've read it's a fleabag with a rude staff. Going to try any restaurants?"
    "La Pergola."
    "Bring Pepto Bismol with you. What are you going to see?"
    "My wife and I have an audience with the Pope."
    "Hah! There'll be hundreds there, you won't see him through the crowd. Have a good time!"
    After his vacation, the man came back to his barber for another haircut.
    "How was your vacation?" the barber asked.
    "Wonderful!" the man said. "Italy was the most beautiful and friendly place I've ever seen. My TWA flights were right on schedule. The Boscolo Exedra was incredibly comfortable and accommodating. My meals at La Pergola were exquisite, and my wife and I spoke with the Pope face to face."
    "That's fantastic!" the barber said. "What did he say to you?"
    "He asked me, 'Where did you get that lousy haircut?!'"

  7. #37
    Insider Frank Capua's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Wearin' my Vans down by the River...
    Posts
    47,242
    This is my favorite Lewis Grizzard joke... May he rest in peace.

    And you don't have to be a Georgia alum to laugh at it...

    We are playing Auburn. Sanford Stadium. National Television. Winner wins the Southeastern Conference; goes to the Sugar Bowl.

    85,000 people jammed into Sanford Stadium. National television audience. This game is on the Armed Service Network. People in Switzerland are seeing this ballgame. Going everywhere.The band cranks up “Glory, Glory to Ole Georgia” and our team comes running out. 85,000 stand as one.

    We are led by our gallant mascot, UGA-U-G-A. What a dog! What a gorgeous dog. What a symbol of ferocity. But UGA ain’t real smart. UGA did not realize he was at a football game. Nor did he realize he was on national television, and was going into living rooms the width and breadth of this great nation.

    And there, in front of all them people, he began to lick himself where dogs occasionally want to lick themselves, ok? We don’t have to get any more graphic than that.

    Bubba an’ Earl sittin’ on the fifty.

    Bubba sees the dog, punches Earl and said, ‘Earl, look at that dog. Dadgum, I wish I could do that.

    Earl said, ‘ Bubba, that dog’ll bite you!’”

  8. #38
    Quote Originally Posted by comfortably numb View Post
    adi(os) walks into a bar, but they don't have sailing on any of the big screens so he walks out...

    I was over the weekend in Hamburg and saw lots of boats, it was harbor birthday.

    http://www.hamburg.com/port-anniversary/highlights/

  9. #39
    Registered User akh_v2.0's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Houston, TX
    Posts
    5,440
    Two oilfield salesmen are in a small Texas town for lunch. They stop at the ubiquitous DQ and are discussing the town, Mexia. First one insists that it's pronounced Mex-e-a. The other salesman says no, it's pronounced Ma-hey-a. Their steak finger baskets arrive and one of them asks the waitress "Hey hon, how do you say the name of this place?"

    She looks at them a bit puzzled and says "Day-ree Queen".

  10. #40
    ...and proud of it. comfortably numb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    out of touch
    Posts
    33,531
    Blog Entries
    2
    My son got angry with me last Friday.
    In one of his subsequent texts he said,'Maybe you should not have had children."

    Hmm..
    Three days later and it still isn't funny.
    “Twitter is the spit on the sidewalk of life.” ~~numb
    "Passive aggressive BS. You aren't interested in learning anything from what I have to say. "

  11. #41
    ... --- ...
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    22,342
    Quote Originally Posted by akh_v2.0 View Post
    Two oilfield salesmen are in a small Texas town for lunch. They stop at the ubiquitous DQ and are discussing the town, Mexia. First one insists that it's pronounced Mex-e-a. The other salesman says no, it's pronounced Ma-hey-a. Their steak finger baskets arrive and one of them asks the waitress "Hey hon, how do you say the name of this place?"

    She looks at them a bit puzzled and says "Day-ree Queen".
    Same joke about an elderly couple walking into a Burger King in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin.
    ...---...

  12. #42
    ...and proud of it. comfortably numb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    out of touch
    Posts
    33,531
    Blog Entries
    2
    John and Mary are enjoying a lovely breakfast out on the patio when Mary is compelled to ask John a question which had been on her mind.
    "Dear, if I were to die before you, would you get married right away?"
    John was taken aback by this and told her it was a stupid question. But Mary persisted and persisted. Finally John said yes he would and hoped that would satisfy her.

    "Well if I died before you," Mary continued. "Would you sell the house?"
    "No," he replied. "I don't think that would be a good idea."

    Mary looked John in the eyes and then she asked, "John, would you consider selling the bed?"
    John had to think about this one a bit---not wanting to upset Mary.
    "Well you know dear, it is a perfectly good bed, but if you wished that I sell it, I would do so for you."

    Mary was now quite relieved, but her expression changed---a sign that there was yet another question to be posed.
    "John, you wouldn't let her touch my golf clubs would you?"
    "Of course not. She's left handed."

  13. #43
    Is Bat Boy KevMcNJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    In a flagstand somewhere in the Carolinas
    Posts
    32,456
    A blind man and his seeing eye dog walk into a store

    The blind man then starts swinging the dog in a circle over his head by his tail

    The store manager is appalled when he sees this and says Hey what are you doing?

    The blind man says Im just looking around
    "If Brian France sold tractors, people would quit farming." -attackforumfan

  14. #44
    Registered User Jag-lover's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Vienna VA USA
    Posts
    9,177
    A man in his 40's bought a new Porsche boxster convertible and was out for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 90 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Porsche," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 100, 120.... then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go." The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back." "Have a nice weekend," said the officer

    source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneou...schejokes.html

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •