Could 'splain a few things around here:
"The Internet. Where fools go to feel important" - Sir Charles Barkley
That was the only one that made me sad.
"Ride the Barrel and get pitted... So Pitted."
Late, but for today...
What do you call an Irishman on your back porch?
new sig pending
A favorite of Venerable Fulton J. Sheen.
A man went to his barber.
The barber asked, "Doing anything special this year?"
The man replied "Yes, I'm going to Italy."
"Italy? What a mess of a place. Everyone's so rude. How are you getting there?"
"Always late! Where are you staying?"
"The Boscolo Exedra in Rome."
"I've read it's a fleabag with a rude staff. Going to try any restaurants?"
"Bring Pepto Bismol with you. What are you going to see?"
"My wife and I have an audience with the Pope."
"Hah! There'll be hundreds there, you won't see him through the crowd. Have a good time!"
After his vacation, the man came back to his barber for another haircut.
"How was your vacation?" the barber asked.
"Wonderful!" the man said. "Italy was the most beautiful and friendly place I've ever seen. My TWA flights were right on schedule. The Boscolo Exedra was incredibly comfortable and accommodating. My meals at La Pergola were exquisite, and my wife and I spoke with the Pope face to face."
"That's fantastic!" the barber said. "What did he say to you?"
"He asked me, 'Where did you get that lousy haircut?!'"
This is my favorite Lewis Grizzard joke... May he rest in peace.
And you don't have to be a Georgia alum to laugh at it...
We are playing Auburn. Sanford Stadium. National Television. Winner wins the Southeastern Conference; goes to the Sugar Bowl.
85,000 people jammed into Sanford Stadium. National television audience. This game is on the Armed Service Network. People in Switzerland are seeing this ballgame. Going everywhere.The band cranks up “Glory, Glory to Ole Georgia” and our team comes running out. 85,000 stand as one.
We are led by our gallant mascot, UGA-U-G-A. What a dog! What a gorgeous dog. What a symbol of ferocity. But UGA ain’t real smart. UGA did not realize he was at a football game. Nor did he realize he was on national television, and was going into living rooms the width and breadth of this great nation.
And there, in front of all them people, he began to lick himself where dogs occasionally want to lick themselves, ok? We don’t have to get any more graphic than that.
Bubba an’ Earl sittin’ on the fifty.
Bubba sees the dog, punches Earl and said, ‘Earl, look at that dog. Dadgum, I wish I could do that.
’Earl said, ‘ Bubba, that dog’ll bite you!’”