Need some advice, gang ...

**CARTer** · 05-04-2012 07:34 AM

I'm going to the doctor to get fixed today.

My question is how do I explain to my eight-year-old son why daddy is spending his weekend on the sofa with a bag of frozen peas in his lap. He is extremely inquisitive, and is relentless in his questioning when he wants to know something. It's getting harder and harder to "fool" him so if I have a cover story it better be good.

Or do we go ahead and start the whole "birds and bees" thing? Second grade seems a little young.

In true Track Forum tradition, I welcome your thoughts, ideas, jokes, puns and lamentations that everything was ruined in 1996.

**Truth Detector** · 05-04-2012 07:45 AM

Daddy's having surgery on his Daddy parts.

"Why?"

Because they aren't working right.

**doitagain** · 05-04-2012 07:51 AM

Because they work too well.

**TommyTipover** · 05-04-2012 08:12 AM

Just tell him you're thawing the pees.

**Truth Detector** · 05-04-2012 08:21 AM

Originally Posted by TommyTipover

Just tell him you're thawing the pees.

Maybe this is why kids won't eat their vegetables...

Maybe you should use frozen cookie dough instead?

**jandj** · 05-04-2012 08:58 AM

Most boys have taken a shot to the sack at least once by they time they're 8.
Tell him that's what happened.
How it happened is up to you.

**Frank Capua** · 05-04-2012 09:09 AM

Never understrood why they called it being fixed when it's anything but that.

But actually he's in the second grade in 2012... Which is nothing like being in the second grade when I was in 1957 he problaby knows more about it than you do.

**comfortably numb** · 05-04-2012 09:09 AM

You probably won't be laid up (pardon the pun) as badly as you think.
You just pulled a muscle running when you were late.

**railroad** · 05-04-2012 09:15 AM

Tell him his mother did this to you for not doing your chores.

**Gomer Simpson** · 05-04-2012 09:33 AM

My uncle told the family a story once about when my dad had this done. Apparently on the way home from surgery he had a flat tire and had to get out and change it himself. That was a long time ago, I'm sure. I've been told the procedure is pretty painless, these days.

**Ren Butler** · 05-04-2012 09:37 AM

Pulled a groin.

But, man, am I glad I'll never have to do this. Yet another perk of being Catholic...

**CARTer** · 05-04-2012 09:50 AM

Interesting thoughts, all. Wife likes the cookie dough idea.

**comfortably numb** · 05-04-2012 09:53 AM

Pfft...
Real men get fixed.
My son was born at 8:30 and I was in the doctor's office at 11:30.
Never had to be wracked with the guilt of continuing my line any further than I had.
The perk of being a gelding.

pb · 05-04-2012 09:55 AM

I was able to arrange for my daughter to spend the weekend with Grandma. The only other thing I can offer is that my Doctor was 100% certain I'd be ready to hit the ground running on Monday and return to work (and by that I do mean my job). Not so much.

Anyway, good luck and you're doing a good thing.

**GeekSpeed** · 05-04-2012 10:15 AM

Been there, done that, just 2 months ago.

I have a 5 year old.

My wife told my daughter that daddy had the doctor fix something in daddy's "middle" and it's going to hurt for a while.

that's all it took.

**Frank Capua** · 05-04-2012 11:02 AM

When my son was five he came home from Kindergarden asking where baby's came from... so I went through the whole technical explanation they give you in the medical books.

My son had this glaze over look of boredom in his eye and when I finished he said; "Well Suzie said they came from the hospital."

**ZUL8TR** · 05-04-2012 11:28 AM

Use an ice cold 6-pack of beer. Tell him you just didn't want to have to keep getting up.

When done with the first 6-pack, go grab a second. Enjoy!

**Slim** · 05-04-2012 12:27 PM

Whatever you do.....make sure you do the follow ups that the doctor advises. My brother didn't follow up with the doctor and instead of having 4 kids, he now has 5.

**crispy** · 05-04-2012 12:33 PM

FWIW

It didn't hurt that bad right after. Just a twinge or dull ache. Like the lingering effects of being "racked".

HOWEVER...,

For me that lasted for months...

MONTHS.

MONTHS!

**HopHead** · 05-04-2012 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by Slim

My brother didn't follow up with the doctor and instead of having 4 kids, he now has 5.

I did the follow-up but by the time I did, it was still too late. We only planned on 2, but now we have 3.

p.s. Number three will turn 7 on May 30th and If I could turn back the clock and do it all over, I wouldn't change a thing.

**stnkypete** · 05-04-2012 12:55 PM

One bit of advice, post-op you're told to wear underwear that provide lots of support. Wear them for about 3 days longer than you think you need to.

**Frank Capua** · 05-04-2012 01:02 PM

Originally Posted by crispy

FWIW

It didn't hurt that bad right after. Just a twinge or dull ache. Like the lingering effects of being "racked".

HOWEVER...,

For me that lasted for months...

MONTHS.

MONTHS!

I had that feeling for years... then the Doc suggested a scrotum tuck and everything is fine now.

**comfortably numb** · 05-04-2012 01:04 PM

Frank also put a sack of peas in his lap but no one noticed.

**Frank Capua** · 05-04-2012 01:10 PM

It's hard out there for a Gimp.

**dog-ring** · 05-04-2012 08:57 PM

I kinda like the beer idea...........

**jiman1973** · 05-04-2012 11:10 PM

Originally Posted by crispy

FWIW

It didn't hurt that bad right after. Just a twinge or dull ache. Like the lingering effects of being "racked".

HOWEVER...,

For me that lasted for months...

MONTHS.

MONTHS!

Ditto.

The procedure itself is very painless....local anesthetic, some happy pills, and you're good to go. The after effects are an annoying "uncomfortable" that could (and in my case did) last a while. I was back on my feet in a few days, but every so often I got that "whoa man" feeling going on where I had to take it easy.

Soooo....moral of the story....take it easy.

**SactoIndyFan** · 05-05-2012 12:04 AM

When I had mine, in the middle of the August heat. Kids were too young to really know. It was nice to watch baseball and IndyCar all weekend, all the beer I wanted and no responsibilities

**CARTer** · 05-05-2012 12:08 AM

So things went well for the most part. The nurse was young and very attractive, and my wife had stepped out of the room for a minute. The nurse started preping the, ahem, "area" when my wife came back in. We were all chatting about our kids when it struck me that this is very, very odd.

I did have a vasovagal reaction during the procedure. I felt like I was about to pass out - everything got dim on the edges of my vision, I was sweating like crazy and felt like I was going to throw up. Right after the procedure my blood pressure was 92/65. So I rested a bit, and the doctor was helping me down to the car when I bumped into my father who was bringing me a wheelchair. He's also a physician, and my wife just happened to bump into him on the way to get the car.

No real pain, just a bruised feeling in the neighborhood. Nothing a little vicodin won't handle.

Oh, and we told my son that the doctor just needed to adjust some of dad's plumbing. I don't think he was 100% satisifed with the explaination, but mom successfully distracted him with a Happy Meal.

So I'm looking foward to a weekend resting on the sofa with Netflix. I just finally got around to watching "The Big Lebowski". First on the menu for tomorrow is the Senna documentary.